Life Will Always Be Good

It has been one year since I have written. 

I went on a hike yesterday, in the middle of a winter storm.

I heard sounds I have never heard before.

Soft smiles met my soul as I listened to snow flakes fall on ice

and it reminded me of childhood, the careless innocence of life.

It has been one year since I heard your voice, 

your voice messages I have saved on my phone, I play when I need you

for life has a gentle way of keeping me close to what is true.

You spoke with charm, as you always do.

And in your message you reminded me "I pray life will always be good to you"

It has been two years since I have lived in the mountains

Solitude has kissed my joy, the wind has blessed me,

and when the trees sway and sing they sound like the Italian sea.

I am forever reminded of the beauty of life, 

through the memories we live with,

With every present moment in mind.

Life has been good to me.

January 11, 2023

10:09am

222

The fire warms me, the sun is shining and I sit in solitude and simple joy as I admire the light beam down on the snow before my window.It glistens beautifully, gladly. The winter is a time for rest and recouping. This is what I have learned here in the mountain. I’ve spent the last few weeks in quiet, alone mostly with sunshine some days and snow fall on others. It has been a balance of restoration and reconnection, to myself, my purpose and my silent healing. As I watch the snow slowly melt, I am reminded of her comfort. A new form of love I have never met before, yet her intentions are familiar. I believe angels protect me as much as they guide me. How she fell from the sky to blanket me with ease as I heal and learn to forgive myself. The transformation has brought me to heightened senses and a moment in my life that has been waiting for me. All these lessons, the movement, the magic, has led me to my undeniable truth, my power to repair this world.

Leah E. Jurado

Big Bear, California 

January 1, 2022 11:24am 

Wilt

There is a difference between being alone and loneliness.

The screams of silence are louder than the summer storms thunder

yet I sit back, let it rain around me and inside me.

It has come to visit me again, 

the darkness that I prayed never to meet again.

It floats, drowns me internally. 

I lose air, I lose sight. I lose the vision of what is healthy and right.

Yet, I am here again. In the realm of no color.

But red. I see the red. I see the light so slightly.

Do not fade, do not leave me. Do not let me sink into the crevasse of this loneliness.

It is dark and cold here. I want to feel warm, 

will you hold me?

The Moment

It was then, in that moment that I realized the purpose of my existence.

I felt the power, my power. 

I felt it sink into a soft soul. 

I saw it glow in green sharpness. 

The stars in his eyes, of sea glass,

vibrantly engulfed in that spark.

How did I get here. How did the universe lead me to this one infinite moment.

The moment.

Afraid of change, but desperate for evolution.

I evolved that morning, into my purest form.

And I thought, how did I let myself fall for so long, without connection 

with staleness.

When did I begin to soulfully die, at the hands of those who are meant to hold me up.

How did I not know I was not flying back to my true light

yet I was sinking into the deepest of darkness.

My aching, my hearts desires, my longing. 

All I felt and know was magic, in 

the moment.

Angel Elvin

It has taken me days to explain the heartbreak and heaviness I feel, the pain and loss we all feel.

I don't understand a lot in this life still. I don't understand how ones life can be so tragic in ending yet humble and kind in living.

I have cried many and many of minutes and moments these days, aching and yearning for a better understanding, for the loss of his life. So sudden, too soon. We all ache for peace.

A few minutes before I heard the news, I was looking out the car window admiring the tall pine trees, the bright beautiful blue sky and how the snow that covered the mountains as far as the eye can see. I felt that feeling, you know, the one that life gives you on occasion, joy and gratitude.

When I received that call from my sister, the joy melted as quickly as the snow from the warmth of the sun. I had so many questions yet could not put any thought into words. The tears, they flowed without end.  

I wish I spent more time together, I wish I could share the view of the tall pines and soft snow with you. Have you ever even felt the snow? Have you ever seen a snow filled wonderland?

I ache, we all ache. 

We now, all live for you. 

My love to you always Elvin.

Your Cousin ,

Leah

February 7, 2021 11:43am

The Last Nights

It's been ages so it seems

since I saw the light glisten

against his skin

The landscape of his body, his face

is a place one only wishes to escape to.

His eyes closed

Pure solitude 

I can't remember a more connected moment

until now

He rest upon the stillness of loves breath,

his sighs are as sensual as the seas depth.

And as he lay there against my favorite sunset painting,

I witness the heavenly day turn into the sweetest night.

January 31, 2021 11:19pm

Verdugo Mesa

Grieving

It never occurred to me, despite how communicative I normally am in specific work settings and day to day life, how deep I kept my emotions buried, asleep, silent, when my grandma passed. It took me some time, years maybe, once the dust settled, the clouds cleared, was I able to better understand, the depth of longing and ache to be close to her again. No particular plan, no ideal moment came to thought, but to be close to her, by her side. There are never any words in exchange but just the comfort of each others presence, a loving glance on occasion along a sweet smirk was our usual setting. She never really spoke much, she enjoyed us close though, laughing in company, always observant, she enjoyed us close, dancing, cousins together, eating together, alive together. 

The grieving never fades, it is always the same. It is just as painful as the first day. The longing for that memory, nostalgic for that moment, which will never fade, with each passing day.

Elena & Aurelio Forever

Her scent is of sweet timeless powder and Italian roses

I have never known a more truer soul, than hers

She speaks of love like it lives in endless gardens of Tuscany hills,  in the peak of spring when the skies are bright and the wind is so lovely

Her stories of past times, draw edgeless sketches in the mind for hopeful and hopeless romantics alike. She reminds you of your one and only love song, that brings you to slight tears of eternal love.

She is love, from the land of love, from a time we are all not from.

Elena.

Inspired by the true stories 
and espresso filled mornings 
with 

my dear friend, 
Elena Romana Citti Pardo Matteini 

March 16, 2020

Lifetimes For You

My love for you is infinite,

it runs deeper than any ocean, 

it kisses you with every breeze, 

it warms you with the sun, 

it is eternal. 

Tivoli, Italy

September 1, 2019

Infinite Connection

How did I get so lucky, to have love find me

who granted the gods the power, to set me free

my heart spins to a song of romance

and my soul is longing for our first dance.

I look to you for calmness 

in a world that has lost sight

I whisper words to remind you

you have become my worlds light

A Letter To My Mother

My earliest memory of you were always filled 

with love and happiness.

Cuddles in bed, never an empty stomach, 

little notes left on our dresser or notebooks, 

always with a smiley face and the words 

“I love you so much, be happy”. 

No one loved me more than you. 

All that you gave us in life, you never had. 

All that you wanted was for us, to have it all.

And we did, because of you. It was love, that’s all we had.

You worked a lot, I remember that. 

You always wore high heels and red lipstick.

Never left the house unpresentable. 

Your hair always done nicely, your clothes well pressed. 

You were a business woman. 

You led the way and defined the word “provider”.

You knew hustle and spoke calmly and you did it all for family.

I can only imagine what you must have given up as a woman, 

To be a mother.

What dreams you still dream of

What sacrifices you made, to give me life.

I can only imagine what you have gained in this life,

To be our mother.

If I could I would shower you with the words and respect that I sometimes don’t have the experience to know or relate to. 

For being a Mother, our mother is a true journey on its own.

Sometimes I wish my memories as an infant and child were more vivid and sharp than the memories as an adult. So I could remember how complete and perfect it felt to be held by you my first waking hour in this world. So I could see the tears of emotion trickle down your cheek, while looking at the love you just brought in to this uncertain world. 

Thank you for loving me more than yourself, more than anyone else, more than anything I will ever know, for loving me unconditionally. I am forever your daughter and forever grateful for you.

Love,

Leah

34 yrs today

May 23, 2018 7:08am

I Remember Him

There are only two times in my life I’ve seen my father cry. First time I was 5 or 6 years of age. Naive, not a care or worry in my little mind. He was in the bathroom, his hands set in front of him while he lean on the counter. He had his head down soft tears I remember, roared rapidly. I didn’t, at the time understand the reasoning or density of what he was going through. But now I know because I’m about his age as an adult, the same age he was when I saw him cry. And I understand that life isn’t always fair and you will hurt and struggle, you will feel completely alone and confused. Yet, you will remember that this too will pass and there will be brighter days. So you lift your head up and face the bathroom mirror, stare your kind and honest heart in the eyes and not give up. Because you do it, for your children.

The last time I saw my father cry, I stood beside him. This time, I understood pain, loss, the betrayal of existence which is also the only certainty of life; death. I was in my early 20s then. It may have been one of the hardest moments of his life, a time where I felt helpless. As if I could do nothing to take the heaviness he felt in his heart, away. The day his best friend, his now- childhood memory, his favorite person in the world passed away, his uncle. I could feel his pain through the deep shaken breaths he would take, trying to not show all of us, the hurt of loneliness he felt at that very moment. It filled his soul and that moment with the definition of loss. All I could do was place my hand on his shoulder and bring him in for a soft hug. But not I, not his mother, no one could ever replace that type of love.

By: Leah Jurado

Age 33

Los Angeles, CA

Verdugo Rd. Apt 2

3/7/19

Razor Pointe

Can you imagine a world where you can not be your true self? How many people can't even remember their true selves. A world where there is no place to hide in order to feel alive. Why is it that we must hide, to feel alive. In a world full of distraction, both material and false persona, there are still many places where nature roars and the wild portrays her true definition; centered and intuitive. Close your eyes and breathe in, do you feel that, that connection, that release, finally that peace. If half the world let go of the unnecessary then this world could be whole again.

La Jolla

'The Cove" Room

January 29, 2019

The End of Life

the wounds though deep,

do heal. 

however, there will always be a scar, 

a soft reminder, 

a longing. 

how can one love and also know in an instance, 

that love can be taken away so quickly. 

how does one emotionally rebuild, 

what is shattered; the heart. 

who taught us how to mend and heal what feels like weakness? 

the inability to cope with loss, is that equivalent to death?

it may be the end for some and for others, 

a slow and endless journey of darkness,

loneliness,

grieving. 

The Warmest Shade of Grey

My niece and I are on a walk, her head against my chest as I carry her in hopes to bring her to soft day dreams. She doesn’t speak much as she has only been on earth for a little over 550 days. She smiles most of the time and loves the smell of lemon leaves on our walks. Her tiny strands of hair sway to the wind and her warm brown skin glistens when the sun greets her. The little wrinkles around her nose and eyes are so expressive, I can see her heart in her face. She hums on our mellow walks, until her eyes close to rest. She is, sweet Grey.

November 13, 2018

10:15am

Infinite

I had a conversation with a dear friend the other day. We sat and spoke of life and light. It inspired me to recollect my life letters and what I live by today. In my life I’ve learned quite a bit. I’ve learned we are all unique, we are different and not everyone has a heart like your own and when the world around you sleeps, you are alone; no one will hold your soul but yourself so you must be strong yet soft and stay true to your own graceful understanding. I believe emotions are magical and when you are aware of them then you become magical. I believe intentions and desire rule this world- whether good or not good, we all have our intentions. And those who manifest honest intentions will be the hope to others. I’ve learned that where there is light there is also darkness and where there are soulful scars there is infinite healing. I’ve learned that success isn’t based on what you own or how much money you have or the lessons from your mistakes but it is defined by the priceless acts of love and kindness to every one you meet and how true you’ve become with yourself after you’ve learned your lessons.

Following The Dream

To breathe, simply to breathe is all we ever wanted. We traveled many a land to follow a dream, to feel once again.

June 2014
Eureka, CA

Mirrors

I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine, the other day. We sat together and spoke of life and light. It inspired me, our conversations always inspire me. They spark life in me. It led me to think of my reasoning, life letters.

In my years, I have learned quite a bit. Ive learned we are all unique, we are all different and nit everyone has a heart of gold.

And when the world around you sleeps, you are alone; no one will hold your soul but yourself so you must stay strong yet soft and stay true to your own graceful understanding. 

I believe emotions are magical and when you are aware of them, then you become magical.

I believe intentions and desire rule this world- whether good or not good, we all have intentions. And those who manifest honest intentions will be the hope to others. 

I have learned that where there is light there is also darkness and where there are soulful scars there is infinite healing. 

I've learned that success isn't based on what you own or how much money you have or the lessons from your mistakes but it defined by the priceless acts of love and kindness to every one you meet and how true you've become with yourself after you've learned your lessons.

Leah Jurado

August 2018

Whispering Angels

The voices are drifting in heavy, with words that linger of love. 

I ache sweetness, I wish for you. I long for us to be near.

The whispering angels, they led me here. 


The sharpness is so vividly familiar, from a dream that once lived.

I feel magic, I desire just you, I crave the miracle to feel true.

The whispering angels, they bring me to you.

Stay Together

We, the siblings and the cousins sat around the table out in the back yard today. We laughed so much today, told stories of our youth and passed the babies around to give them kisses and hugs. It amazes me, how connected and how loved we were as children, and how we all still are today. Our parents, our aunts and uncles are true heroes, sacrificed a land of their upbringing in search for better lives for their future, us. Growing up it was always there, the happiness and the bliss and also, that feeling of wonder. That feeling, it lingered to the thought of how my parents felt, my cousins parents, the process of growth and challenge as immigrants to a new country. Did they feel alone, do they ever feel alone. I never really asked them, if they missed home. In my heart I felt home was their loved ones, us, their children, each other. As I sit back now, I often wonder, if they could change the choices they made to come to this country, would they. Do they feel tired for working more than they should have, all our lives. I wish I could give them all they have given us, all the love and the commitment we as children and we, as adults now have been so fortunate to be embraced with. They have never left us, they have only loved us. I will promise to always return the commitment. 

North Hollywood, CA

February 25, 2018

7:40pm

Sequoia

take me to a place 

where the rocks are

our beds,

where the sun blankets my

family

and the waterfall kisses 

us all beautiful beings 

with 

soft mist.

the safest place we know

is in nature.

Tokopah Falls

November 24, 2017

Float

He let me go and

He let me float,

drifting on a pillow 

into a dream of stars and water.

Have you ever been embraced,

by the winds warmth

carried by water 

as the stars dance for you.

Slow and soft

as the island shores before me

Steadily you sway

as the universe glistens

and you are left selfless for it's magic

Heavy in a desert of deep.

Palm Desert

July 29, 2017

Fall

Sometimes it's the next morning at 10am when you're resting on your couch, looking out the window toward the mountains with your tea and your thoughts, and you think after the heaviness that just happened to land all in one day you ask yourself, how am I so forgiving. Yet you remind yourself- there are hard days, there are better days and there are great days. At the end of the day, being mindful that we only have control of ourselves and our actions is the only way to make this world a better place. It is my nature to be forgiving, because everything unfolds as it should.

The True Thrill

Adventure is a feeling, it's a realization that risk is the ultimate road, and hesitation is not welcome. Adventure, is not about having fun and doing something wild, it's about doing something fun and wild then reaching a point where the the fun and wild become extreme and you are destined to step outside your comfort zone, only to fully feel alive. That, is adventure.

Maratea

My heart, I left in Maratea. I can still taste the morning mist that swims over the dense green mountains, caved in a castle of sweet soul. The energy vibrates life into my senses as I sit and overlook what is a small piece of this giant world. There is no such idea of hustle or competition, there is only kind smiles and fresh aromas of cheese, bread and the sea which float within these cream alley cobblestone streets. I have lost myself in a time lapse of history,in a town of lovers, in a town wiser than any living man. I see the story line of riches, that once roamed these ancient streets. And I feel the sun hug the grounds for more hours than one here will ever weep. The wind is ever so strong yet gently, it tickles my shy cheeks and I can see the stories of generations through the wrinkles around their deep eyes. There is a land known as the "Pearl of The Tyrrhenian Sea" and it lives in a cove between the mountains and the ocean, waiting for those willing to seek a world of wonder yet far enough to never be washed away.

May 23, 2017

Maratea, Italy

Youth Years

I am nostalgic for a place 

I once felt so deeply for.

To me home is a feeling, 

a temperate longing for completion.

I am nostalgic for the wind

and the weeds. 

Where the sun would shine

and my skin would build the scent of sun and dust. 

I remember the days of laughter and play,

where innocence remembered my name.

I am nostalgic for a sweet time 

I watched my father hold my mother close, 

a slow dance of romance 

as their cheeks kissed ever so tenderly. 

A moment of definition.

I remember the feeling of wonder and bliss, 

oh how I miss the words of a poetic wish.

I am nostalgic for a life time, 

of dreams and darkness. 

In the quiet stillness of the dawn, 

she never leaves me. 

She is there, 

in the darkest of my days.

I am nostalgic,

for a feeling.

I Rather Be Dreaming

Reflections of blue fill the room 

Like light I wish to breath in

I am trapped, in stillness of silence

Wishing to find a way out

The darkness, fills me deeply

Smoke into madness I weep dry

I could barely taste the truth in me

As I cry for help yet I just lay

It consumes me 

Like it always does

I choke to the thought of freedom

How tangled a soul of dust

Living a life of endless love

Dancing as dancers do

I die constantly for you

For what, to bleed and weep petty sorrows 

To sit in quiet rooms 

I'm left hollow 

Find me in lost 

Feel me true

I've died countless times for truth

Under The Tulum Stars

Tell me, how does the wind make you feel?

Does it accompany your time alone?

Does it sing to you so sweetly and tickle your sand covered toes?

Or does it warm you in the darkness as you listen to the ocean waves?

Tell me Darling, do you love the ocean enough to let it sweep you away?

March 2, 2017

Tulum, MX

I Forgive You

I forgive you.

I forgive you for hurting me,
for devaluing the essence of love.
Mostly, I forgive you for giving yourself less credit as a human being.
My sister told me, there must be some ounce of hate towards you,
for what you have caused me.
However the truth is
I have no hate in my heart.
I never did.
I did love you.
I pity you now.
Time is my companion, time has held me.

I hope you learn.
I hope one day,
you feel the blind stab in your heart.
I hope you surrender for love,
As I once did for you.
But then I stop and smile,
I almost forget, that
You don't know how to love how I love.
And the day your heart aches to the point, you rather die
My memory will haunt you.
Then, you will know,
what it is like to bleed for another.


I forgive you.

For losing sight in your words.
Mostly, for being young and naive.
I can not lie, my thoughts blur to the promise of love.
But then, I remember
Nothing is promised.
This is what blinds us all.

I've died because of you
I forgive you.
I opened my eyes, in a new world.
This is where I began again.

And now, you fade from the day to day.
I no longer know your name.
I forgive you.

Always,
Leah

Little Love

I stood slightly in the dark, hoping to find a light within my heart but instead I felt the hurt and twist of emotional and the physical ache and the pain of losing what I hoped to one day, love and hug. My body clenched almost every other second and I could feel the cramping force me to lose my breath over and over again as if the hours of this excruciating pain would never end. Time passed so slowly. And then, I just knew that was it, I reached between my legs and felt a pressure push out of me, my hand covered in bright red blood there it was, my little bean in the palm of my hand. With an open hand, I felt a sense of calm in the moment of nonstop chaos. I felt that this little fetus which once filled me with warmth and love and forgiveness during our connection together became a gift in disguise. And now, as this small and lifeless baby has left my body it left me with the hope to never give up. It left me with the desire to reconnect with my love, self love, my forgiveness, self forgiveness, and life worth but mostly my self worth. For a brief moment, I lost time and I looked at my palms, I looked at what I loved and new nothing of but only knew that I would one day love again and love with all the strength and hope I have in my beating heart. 

March 8, 2016

Los Angeles

November

I day dream of nights when the wind blows ever so strong and the romance spins us to slow dance under the glistening of stars. I day dream of nights where I am safe in his arms that I can sleep forever knowing he will hold me tight until the end of time. I day dream of nights where the sweet whispers of his deepest desires, his heart filled hopes, will slip from the lush of his lips and I will embrace his truest secrets and let them sink into the depths of my soul where they will be safe forever. I day dream of the moment we first met and the look of wonder from his eyes when they met mine. I day dream of the way his handsome smile stopped my heart with happiness, and how he lit the dark of my world and I opened a new world in his mind. I day dream of him often, every day and every minute, when we are together and when we are apart, I day dream, always.

The Flow

The nights are finally becoming cold. I feel a sharpness in my chest when I inhale. I exhale the deepness that floats inside me these days. I look into the dark night and lose my thoughts of the chaos which clouds my mind. The season of fall has me falling into the memory of spring, hoping I bounce back to normal breath. I stop and look around, reminding myself that even the brisk of nights are the warmest. And even though the quiet of moments can be the loudest, we all drown sometimes in the madness. The great remedy is to stay afloat, regardless how challenging it is to stay steady. Life has a bizarre way of flowing you back to breath.

Rampart

October 26, 2015

10:27pm

The Nomadic Soul

There is something powerful in the act of movement, in the pace of endless travel. Alone I have gone into the desert, to a land foreign to my current mind set yet familiar in a past life. I go in  search of something greater, a feeling of something deeper than the average desire. I move, for travels sake. The wind chasing me, the sunrise following my steps and the stars gazing towards my being as I rest. They forget the power of something new, something true. The great madness is the calm in the chaos, the steady breath in the extremist, the fire in the lover.  For I feel alive only through passing. I know love only with those who feel similar as I do, about life. I am entwined soulfully with those who are organically crazy about life, as I am.

March 26, 2015

The Desert

The Boy in the Green Sweatshirt

He stood there alone, staring at the ocean and seemed to be ecstatic by the sound of waves. I walked along the coast, away from everyone I traveled with and noticed him, this one child and his curios demeanor, his stillness, his calm aura of depth. Also, away from those he traveled with, he too stood by himself, swimming in his thoughts. We walked close enough to notice each others presence but far enough to not seem to know each other. However, I remember how I felt when I stared into the endless horizon just as he did at that moment, at that age. As if wonders of the world filled his thoughts and the unsure meaning of the beauty surrounding him. As if he knew he was meant for something greater. I walked passed him while he watched his feet take steps off the dark bed rocks. He followed my lead yet at the pace of his own stride. I ran, to the edge of this natural bridge beside the Pacific sea and took in a breath of peace, my arms lifting beside me, I have again fallen in love with the simplicity of my own existence, right then and there. This time he watched, and I noticed his stare, full of wonder again and all I could do was smile with hopes that one day he finds someone who dreams as deeply as he does. One day he can stare into the endless horizon again and remember this moment. He smiled. And I, walked away.

Santa Cruz, California

January 2, 2015

The Heart of a Traveler

It has been four days since my return from traveling Colombia, Panama and Costa Rica. I can describe my experience perfectly with one word, Magical. 

In my mind I told myself I would write a piece to share the excitement and experience of this trip with everyone as soon as I came home but as soon I wanted to write, I felt nothing until now. You see.. in my eyes, nothing changed spiritually, mentally or emotionally while I was gone but myself. And although I feel as if I have been away for ages, every living thing is just as it was when I left. 

There is a calm strangeness that comes with ending a journey, and some say it's "reality" but I agree not. I'd like to think reality is reality, away from home or traveling and some how it all entwines just with different elements. This belief unfolds gently before me day by day and I have embraced it all, now that I am back.

Within the four days of being home, the same questions have been asked about my trip, "How was it? Did you meet anyone? What did you do? What was it like?" and then the following question shortly after my story telling "What are you going to do now?"... And still I feel nothing but more indifferent and alone in my own hometown than I did when I explored foreign countries. After every trip I have ever been on in my life, this feeling has become so familiar and I have wondered, why. Is it because I have traveled quite a bit and I know there's so much more than what I come back to. And every time I return, I hold myself up as not to fall into a pool of heartless humans. I may be harsh but hey, it's how I feel. 

I have connected to the understanding, that this feeling is the reason why I always leave, I continue to be truly in love with the spark of movement, with the life of traveling, wondering in a wanderlust of beauty, exploring places only one can imagine in their most wildest wants and connecting with souls who are on the same journey as I am. You see, I live to only feel alive constantly. I live to feel that energy of being so connected with myself and my surroundings that I find myself always wanting to fly away into the sunset and wake with every sunrise. This is my reality. 

I am a believer that with every action there is a reaction and everything in life happens as it will, sometimes with our control but many times without. Before this most recent trip, I left a life I no longer wanted in Los Angeles. I left a life I felt nothing for, anymore. I felt an deep urge, to be my true self again and I was willing to do whatever it would take to "feel" once more. I had to make some of the most challenging choices I have ever had to make and at the end of it all I came to a conclusion "be free or forget".. I chose to be free. 

I let it all go in a matter of 3 weeks yet the emotion had built up for a good amount of time prior. My thoughts were clouded at first but I knew the truth would prevail some way, some how as it always does. So, I let go of it all. I let go of a long term career with a company in which I once lived and worked so hard for, to be independent on my own again. The lease of my apartment term came to an end and I chose not to renew or  move to another apartment but instead I invested in a ticket to another country, sold ever piece of furniture I owned and only kept a few boxes of clothes, shoes, jewelry, camping and outdoor gear, artwork, my 18 journals of writing, some books and all my collects from all my travels. And last, I parted ways, in not the easiest of ways with a partner in whom I built a love felt empire with for two years. Letting go is hard to do but happiness is most important.

And then I left, just like that, just as I always do, just to "feel" again. 

Today, I sit under the sunshine, taking in this summer morning, gathering thoughts of it all. On my trip I met many amazing individuals, so beautiful and so captivating, fearless to live by thrill and some few I have shared a deep connection and love with like never before. And on my trip, my eyes met many views so dream like yet so true. I felt the wind at its strongest and the rainfall at it's purest. I felt enlightened and inspired every waking day whether I woke on the beaches of Colombia covered in gold glitter sand to the crashing of waves on giant bed rocks in sync with a symphony of joy or to the singing of exotic birds while I lay relaxed at peace, full off of the finest chocolate while resting in my bungalow hidden in the jungle of Costa Rica during the midst of a lighting storm. And now, being back in the hustle of LA life, surrounded by expressive art, the busy city vibe and a rapid flow of energy. From the rooftop lounges to the soft breeze trickling through sky scrapers, there is nothing so bright like these city lights. Most importantly, to feel the warmth which fills my heart as I reconnect with sweet friends and my loving family who await me. This is my reality.

Being back this time around is slightly different. I have come back a better and brighter soul. I find my feelings to be a bit mixed, camouflaged quietly within my surroundings, happy at heart yet torn to the idea that traveling and good byes are never easy but prepared myself for the bitter sweetness of it. Knowing "we" will always have this "feeling" to what are now the new memories that will forever float my mind. It is all so well worth it as I sit looking up to my favorite color, the sky. 

Until I leave again.

July 29, 2014

Rebel In The Sun

There was always a desire, my heart was just painted in black for a while. As the tears flow rapidly from within me, like the natural rhythm of a powerful river, this black begins to fade slowly. It starts. And so it is, just like we said it would be. Aimlessly in search for breath, more driven than any other time in life, we go, without sight. Yet we know that the winds kiss will set us free. Intuition told me to rise. All elements have touched my senses and I have connected to the depth of my fearless soul. For what is planted in the heart takes root from within. I will never let this go.

California

June 11, 2014

October Skies

He looks far in the distance, the blue in his eyes how they sparkle hope. I know he feels the depth of wonder as I do, as I have. The wonder of why things happen as they do, ever so sudden ever so new. I see how his eyes glisten as the lights glow emotion, waiting to explode. Like the stars that are to come, on this midnight love. These similar truths have brought us together, in a timeless matter. The world goes to sleep and his tears start to bleed. Staring at me as I allow him to be, not alone.

The Web She Weaves

How tangled they may be, yet the beauty of it's rare form and flow continue to catch her audience in awe. They are drawn to her exquisite being. She has exhaled herself into a whirlpool of emotion, spinning with passion. Her power has placed them in pause. They stare. The dive of darkness has drowned a creative urge to see light, like a past life. Yet she remains dark, like a shadow seen unable to touch. And so she swims in the fluid of lust, finding her breath with the desire to reach air just once. She stops. Complex yet so simple, her seduction is everlasting. She draws mystery, darker than the deepest of seas. They sink into her eyes, sweetly drowning in the essence of her depth. She comes close, without hesitation she bites. They indulge in the beauty of her movement. So delicate yet so feared, temptation has caught the soul. 

Los Angeles

Dreams/ Window writing

March 5, 2014 

The Dark Road

The darkness takes over the night. And even when the sparse lights glare, I have lost all sight. Alone again, only to get closer to the depth of my clouded mind. I have almost drowned to the memory of you. I hush myself to sleep only to wish I wake to the daydream of peace. But no, instead my heart sits steady like the stars and moon. Unattainable. I have lost its beat, I have lost it all. I have lost you.

February 11, 2014

I Remember

We don't have to move on, just let go. Never let anyone leave you without leaving better. She has come to me, for one reason and that one reason I have no words for. All I can do is feel good to know that I have done my best and now I can let go.

Glassell Park, CA

Twenty Eight

I woke to the sweet silence around me and only that of my soft breath. It has been exactly twenty eight years that I have lived and I have lived with no regret. I did noting but be, myself. I spent today's time with my own presence upon the land I know best. I went for a walk through a dusty old road, trees swayed with glee, the orange birds sang for me, I felt perfect and exactly where I was meant to be. The sun oh how it glared, sending only warm kisses directly to me. I hiked with sweat filled struggle for struggle brings great triumphs which led me to a secret lake only met by those who dare to discover. I sat, I smiled and I left. You see, we are all meant to wonder and with wonder we wish. When we wish we find reason, the reason why we live. Love yourself, then live  yourself and everything will be as it should be. After twenty eight years, this is what I have discovered. 

May 23, 2013

11:08pm

Glassell Park LA

Intuitive Tea

It has been months since I have felt any form of connection with my writing, enough to share with the world. I noticed a change, some said I was different but that was not the case. My soul was thirsty for an energy, a force to feel correct, a strength to surround my whole being with comfort, like the warm wind on a rain filled day. It took some time, but timing is everything. I knew it would come. Yesterday I came across a sentence, an unspoken phrase which reached out to me sending my thoughts elsewhere, back to my self most importantly. You see, we are all characters of our beginning, there is no other being like yourself. And once we accept and appreciate this simple truth, all of life around us will flow more clearly. Everything around us moves therefore changes. We also, change too but not entirely, never our true selves. Deep inside, that sharp feeling, that intensely strong and pounding desire that we all as individuals are empowered with, has been part of us since our existence. Some forget this beautiful sense, and others learn to master this power. The key is wanting it. And though years may pass, people do not change, all that is around us does. Like seasons to the sun, spring blooms flowers and summer shines our happiness, fall forgets us and during winter we wilt until sunshine finds us again. We aren't meant to differ from our infinite selves, for anyone. We will adapt, we learn therefore we will blossom. The beauty is, we are exactly as we are.

When Angels Speak of Yellow

I stood in the moonlight, drawn to the heat of the springs and embraced by the stone beneath my feet. Bare to breath with slow sips of champagne. My almond eyes were lit to every word of true lips. I was caught in a beast of life, never wanting to leave. A distant voice began to sing, the depth of words left me lost in the moment. I found myself lusting to the shimmer of such a lovely place. Dazed in a twilight of dreams, dark in the deepest of night. At last. I have been reconnected with life, believing in myself and everything I love. There were mirrors all around me, speaking back, tones of truth and topics of love. Our minds danced naked and true, under the light of the moon, to the thought of what we lost, what we had, swimming to the thought of our freedom. With no rules but to move with how we felt. In the presence of sweet wind, the simmering waters held us close. I was touched so deeply inside, simply loving the reason of life. Last thing I remember was the calm of a voice, from somewhere heavenly. 

December 26, 2012

Ojai, CA

Dream Water

It's a sharp and strong feeling being helpless, dead quiet with the rising anticipation and so suddenly we are left with no control. Our limits are tested, our emotions stirred like the fistful winds that easily pound our bodies back and forth. The rains are like needles and the leaves shuffled mad, as forcefully awakened from a distant dream. Dark is the night, lonely in a crowded city. Muggy and gray are the clouds that hover over our presence. And again, silent and still we are left with nothing to grasp but a wishful thought of hope, forced to find patience within in order to maintain the last of our sanity. We wait. We wait for that sun filled day. We wait to feel safe, holding our loved ones close at heart, in each others arms bonded by the fear of loss. Still, we dream of a place where the breeze is sweet and the wind sings a love song, ever so gentle ever so soft. Where smiles fill the energy of this city, the city of dreams. We dream, we wait. It will come again, one day.

Hurricane Sandy

John F. Kennedy Airport New York

My Love

I wonder what it is about the sea that moves me, as I could sit for hours adoring its repetitive motion. The suns brightness reflects off this body of water. I find solitude in the sound of natures melody, humming a tune of romance. And so my eyes dance. How the waves collide so beautifully, each graceful ripple longing to meet at shore. Oh how love is like the sea, powerful, at times leaving me without words. Like the ocean waves as they kiss and sweetly touch. Becoming one, entwined and never again the same. Love is as love does. 

Laguna Beach, CA

October 1, 2012

The Promise

There are things in life we have control of and there are things in life we simply can not control. The great wonder is, to accept that we are no greater than our fate and our feelings are a divine form of awareness. So without question, choose to exhale the thought of what may be and what once was, for the present is truly our greatest gift. I choose to be passionate and true in what I do have control in, for every action has a reaction. And my sole existence in life is based off the energy and belief that we are all here for one reason and that is, to be good to each other. For the times we share are rare and through passing only. So let no one ever come to you without leaving better and let no one ever forget love so love can live forever.

August 22, 2012

Bryce Canyon

I have traveled many places, inhaled the scents of different countries, dazed upon the most beautiful beaches in this world but the one constant memory of my most cherished day lives in the canyons of beautiful Bryce. I remember the depth of breath I took upon arriving to this magical land. Like the peels of blood orange, the vibrant shades of red stone rushed like wind through me, rewarding me with a feeling I've never felt before or again, in all my travels. I stood upon a cliff, tall and in sweet awe as the wind danced wildly with my hair. My finger tips slightly spread as if I were wishing to hold onto this moment forever. Oh how the warm dessert breeze spun around me like honey glaze and the sun, how it set fire to such a hot summer day. And so I walked, moved slowly, aimlessly through this mysterious place, taking in every inch of exquisite forms of chiseled stone around me. The coral dust floating in a dream, like a dream, oh where will this trail take me. Everything was bright, the suns shine sang with passion and the drops of water from my pack, I treasured like gold. For the heat began to rise and I began to drift and fade like a faint mirage. I continued walking, the great affair is to move. The sweat began to roll down my bare back the beat of my heart pound like drums, never have I felt more alive. And at the peak of my edge, I became limitless, pushing every part of my body and mind to conquer this fantasy of wonder. Then suddenly, just as I almost stopped, I noticed from a distance a small tree which stood alone on a high hill of this canyon. The warmth rose from the cracked grounds and encouraged me to move quicker, to find magic in movement, I wanted nothing more than to breathe softly. To simply feel. I finally reached this lovely tree. I sat under its branches and felt the energy embrace me. I took the deepest sigh I have ever taken and never have I  appreciated shade more than that perfect moment, for the beauty of the journey led me to know the luxury of rest. Then and there, I fell in love with life.

Bryce Canyon, Utah 

Travels from July 2009

Dear Woman,

Tonight, the stars glisten for you and you alone. As you have come so far, traveled so long only to become the starlit beauty you are. Your aura is divine and will remain ever so true. And as I have seen you grow, once small, curious and filled with dreams as a young girl, you have blossomed beautifully, brave and bold into the graceful and powerful woman you are today. Be proud and shine. Simply unique in your precious presence, forever exploring the depths of your existence, you are the light when the world falls. It was not easy however, to reach the height of your accomplishments. It never was. The world weighs much on our shoulders at times and I have admired your strength to fight and battle through hardships along your journey. And for the moments I wished nothing but to hold you tight and never let go, through the heart aches of sweet love, the lost and loneliness of betrayal and good byes. You have learned to fly without sight, to be fearless in this thing called life and still with noise surrounding us, I have watched you search and find meaning in  it all. You have embraced the truth that dreaming minds will always dream for more. You have never lost hope and your desire to stay true gifts a genuine smile to  anyone who meets you. I wish you nothing but my unconditional love always, as you continue on the road of life. You are exactly as you wish to be, infinite as you are.

Love Always, 

Leah

Deep

The water trickles down the side of his cheek, along his sharp jaw and down his body, tracing a beautiful figure. How the way he stares at me makes me smile like sweet summer days. More valuable than all I own, this is the sweetest thing I know. My palms gently connect to the moisture of his flesh and he holds my hand, spins me slowly as our finger tips dance to the vibrant flames of candle lit romance. He embraces me completely, holds me as his precious treasure. And as my back rest upon his firm chest, I hear the drops of water splash around us. The steam rises, our energy flames with fire, for the passionate heat is for keeps. I reach my arms back, gripping his bare body entirely and moving only to the motion of his heart beat. He slides his hands down the sides of my naked body, strong yet slow, with intentions to give me only what I quietly desire. I close my eyes, melting to his movement. He pauses right above my hips. The tension releases my neck to tilt left with satisfaction and he holds me closer. I am wrapped in his claim. I feel the presence of his breathing upon my neck, the tickle of his lush lips and the whisper of his deep words. The sweetest thing I know is his kiss on my collar bone.

Downtown Los Angeles

Elephants

I sat still as the sun glared at me with wickedness. And so suddenly I was unsure of why and what reasons led me to this moment, this feeling, this not knowing of how it all plays so randomly before me. He walked across, I noticed but only enough to stare, not enough to wonder or care. Slightly the sun moved west and I glared directly back, deep sigh to release all which drained my mind. I sat alone, gown of bright red, describing only hopeful thoughts in my silent head. And then he sat from a short distance, the one I glared so quickly upon. The champagne and peach, bubbled movement within, charm led me to walk slowly, politely towards this stranger. He wore blue, dull but enlightening to the eye like the grey blue brick walls along his side. I joined him with good intention and found myself delighted by pureness, like that of deep elephant eyes. The wind blew, swaying my hair to lift my face and gaze towards his curiosity. Soft into a summer night a peaceful energy lit the city lights, like a strong wind into my life. Then and there the world fell upon our warm palms and we owned the sky.

Downtown Los Angeles

April 18, 2012