I Forgive You

I forgive you.

I forgive you for hurting me,
for devaluing the essence of love.
Mostly, I forgive you for giving yourself less credit as a human being.
My sister told me, there must be some ounce of hate towards you,
for what you have caused me.
However the truth is
I have no hate in my heart.
I never did.
I did love you.
I pity you now.
Time is my companion, time has held me.

I hope you learn.
I hope one day,
you feel the blind stab in your heart.
I hope you surrender for love,
As I once did for you.
But then I stop and smile,
I almost forget, that
You don't know how to love how I love.
And the day your heart aches to the point, you rather die
My memory will haunt you.
Then, you will know,
what it is like to bleed for another.


I forgive you.

For losing sight in your words.
Mostly, for being young and naive.
I can not lie, my thoughts blur to the promise of love.
But then, I remember
Nothing is promised.
This is what blinds us all.

I've died because of you
I forgive you.
I opened my eyes, in a new world.
This is where I began again.

And now, you fade from the day to day.
I no longer know your name.
I forgive you.

Always,
Leah

Little Love

I stood slightly in the dark, hoping to find a light within my heart but instead I felt the hurt and twist of emotional and the physical ache and the pain of losing what I hoped to one day, love and hug. My body clenched almost every other second and I could feel the cramping force me to lose my breath over and over again as if the hours of this excruciating pain would never end. Time passed so slowly. And then, I just knew that was it, I reached between my legs and felt a pressure push out of me, my hand covered in bright red blood there it was, my little bean in the palm of my hand. With an open hand, I felt a sense of calm in the moment of nonstop chaos. I felt that this little fetus which once filled me with warmth and love and forgiveness during our connection together became a gift in disguise. And now, as this small and lifeless baby has left my body it left me with the hope to never give up. It left me with the desire to reconnect with my love, self love, my forgiveness, self forgiveness, and life worth but mostly my self worth. For a brief moment, I lost time and I looked at my palms, I looked at what I loved and new nothing of but only knew that I would one day love again and love with all the strength and hope I have in my beating heart. 

March 8, 2016

Los Angeles