It never occurred to me, despite how communicative I normally am in specific work settings and day to day life, how deep I kept my emotions buried, asleep, silent, when my grandma passed. It took me some time, years maybe, once the dust settled, the clouds cleared, was I able to better understand, the depth of longing and ache to be close to her again. No particular plan, no ideal moment came to thought, but to be close to her, by her side. There are never any words in exchange but just the comfort of each others presence, a loving glance on occasion along a sweet smirk was our usual setting. She never really spoke much, she enjoyed us close though, laughing in company, always observant, she enjoyed us close, dancing, cousins together, eating together, alive together.
The grieving never fades, it is always the same. It is just as painful as the first day. The longing for that memory, nostalgic for that moment, which will never fade, with each passing day.
