Wilt

There is a difference between being alone and loneliness.

The screams of silence are louder than the summer storms thunder

yet I sit back, let it rain around me and inside me.

It has come to visit me again, 

the darkness that I prayed never to meet again.

It floats, drowns me internally. 

I lose air, I lose sight. I lose the vision of what is healthy and right.

Yet, I am here again. In the realm of no color.

But red. I see the red. I see the light so slightly.

Do not fade, do not leave me. Do not let me sink into the crevasse of this loneliness.

It is dark and cold here. I want to feel warm, 

will you hold me?

The Moment

It was then, in that moment that I realized the purpose of my existence.

I felt the power, my power. 

I felt it sink into a soft soul. 

I saw it glow in green sharpness. 

The stars in his eyes, of sea glass,

vibrantly engulfed in that spark.

How did I get here. How did the universe lead me to this one infinite moment.

The moment.

Afraid of change, but desperate for evolution.

I evolved that morning, into my purest form.

And I thought, how did I let myself fall for so long, without connection 

with staleness.

When did I begin to soulfully die, at the hands of those who are meant to hold me up.

How did I not know I was not flying back to my true light

yet I was sinking into the deepest of darkness.

My aching, my hearts desires, my longing. 

All I felt and know was magic, in 

the moment.

Angel Elvin

It has taken me days to explain the heartbreak and heaviness I feel, the pain and loss we all feel.

I don't understand a lot in this life still. I don't understand how ones life can be so tragic in ending yet humble and kind in living.

I have cried many and many of minutes and moments these days, aching and yearning for a better understanding, for the loss of his life. So sudden, too soon. We all ache for peace.

A few minutes before I heard the news, I was looking out the car window admiring the tall pine trees, the bright beautiful blue sky and how the snow that covered the mountains as far as the eye can see. I felt that feeling, you know, the one that life gives you on occasion, joy and gratitude.

When I received that call from my sister, the joy melted as quickly as the snow from the warmth of the sun. I had so many questions yet could not put any thought into words. The tears, they flowed without end.  

I wish I spent more time together, I wish I could share the view of the tall pines and soft snow with you. Have you ever even felt the snow? Have you ever seen a snow filled wonderland?

I ache, we all ache. 

We now, all live for you. 

My love to you always Elvin.

Your Cousin ,

Leah

February 7, 2021 11:43am

The Last Nights

It's been ages so it seems

since I saw the light glisten

against his skin

The landscape of his body, his face

is a place one only wishes to escape to.

His eyes closed

Pure solitude 

I can't remember a more connected moment

until now

He rest upon the stillness of loves breath,

his sighs are as sensual as the seas depth.

And as he lay there against my favorite sunset painting,

I witness the heavenly day turn into the sweetest night.

January 31, 2021 11:19pm

Verdugo Mesa